


How to kill Dumbledore

by goldenzingy46



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: DUMBLEDORE DYING MANY MANY TIMES, FEEL FREE FOR SUGGESTIONS, Self Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2020-05-20 19:15:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19383064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenzingy46/pseuds/goldenzingy46
Summary: I want to kill Dumbledore.





	1. Death by lemon drop

Dumbledore reaches out and takes a lemon drop.

 

His face grows redder and redder until he can’t breathe at all, desperately gasping for air, lemon drop in his throat. 

 

Dumbledore drops dead on his seat.

 

I cheer.


	2. Avada kedavra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An oldie but a goodie

I walk in to Dumbledore’s office.

 

”AVADA KEDAVRA!”

 

He drops dead.


	3. Death by beard

Dumbledore glanced up.

”Ah, Trixie, my girl, how would you like to be sacrificed for The Greater Good—“

Before he could finish, I was right there, and his beard was wrapped around and around his neck, his struggles growing feebler, blood vessels in his face popping, eyes bulging out of their sockets, choking, fighting, clawing, and then with a final, last ditch attempt to gasp for air, the foolish man lay dead in his chair.

I looked down at his corpse.

”I’ve wanted to try that one for years,” I said with satisfaction.


	4. Death by stupidity

Dumbledore turns to Harry and says, “Oh, my boy, I’m sorry I can’t tell you now, you’re too young.”

I sneak round the pillar and signal to Harry.

He turns to Dumbledore and says, “Well, what if I were to jump off this tower if you don’t tell me?” whilst moving towards the edge.

Dumbledore lunges forwards, saying, “No! Not the Chosen one!” when Harry sidesteps and Dumbledore flies off the edge of the tower and to the floor.

I run downstairs and stamp on his face to make sure.

"Thanks Trixie!" Harry yells.

I give him a thumbs up, and smile.


	5. The weirdest death of them all...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Tempest_Novastorm.

I duck behind one of Dumbledore’s many objects, watching Harry as he places a Whoopee cushion on Dumbledead’s chair. I flick a casual curse at it as Dumbles goes to sit.

The resulting sound was funny, at first, but then it blew Dumbles up into the air, hitting the ceiling and breaking his neck, hitting the ground dead, dead

d

e

a

d.

 

That was even funnier.


End file.
